Daily Prompt: Missing

via Daily Prompt: Missing

I asked him several times did he need something more than we had and he denied it every single time.

I saw him yesterday trough my car window holding hands with some woman, not resembling me.

I couldn’t stop starring at the mirror since. My face was so numb and pale. Like the life was sucked out of me and it was given away. I imagine death as vanishing, complete destruction but now, right now, I did not feel dead. I was separated with my soul and I was left with my empty skin. Like a snake that sheds her skin and leaves it wherever.

I was not thinking about him, I have been convinced that I will love again, smile again and feel again. It is far from being emotionally destructive and pessimistic for my future.

I am ugly.

That is all I can think of.

And I cant tell mom, my sisters or anyone I love that I am ugly. They will look at my face and think for a second. Then they will holler no, you are not ugly.

Yes I am.

I remember my father saying that to my face. You are ugly. You are skinny.

And with Johnny, I forgot that. He kept telling me that I was pretty.

But now there is no Johnny. Johnny tells some other woman that she is pretty.

Now I miss my pretty face in the mirror. I miss my features, I miss my youth.

Dad said that I am ugly, hated my pictures and my smile.

Dad hates my bony wrists and my funny walk.

Johnny said he was in love.

Fuck you Johnny.

And F you dad.

 

 

A very sad song

I embrace my sadness as a gift
for every part of me is granted.

I embrace no joy in my eyes with secrets
I let few know, I let everyone guess and
I always reveal.

I would gladly strip my clothes,
and sit beneath boughs,
But even covered to toe, my eyes are naked
and you can peek into my soul.

I try to hide my limbs, the motion in my hips
I try to escape my past that nibbles my heels.

But as a bumblebee entangled in my hair,
buzzing its way to freedom,
I try to survive.

It shackles itself more and more.

Reminiscent of myself I let it die.
Because my hair is beautiful
It should be thankful
And I shouldn’t cry.