A long distance relationship is when bodies are separated and hearts are pledged to one another. He had to leave town for his job, I had to stay because of mine and that is how we got here. I am certainly not the type to scream how much I miss him and post pathetic pictures, but I suffer indeed.
He calls me a lot now. He is not having wifi or any other internet connection. So we talk on the phone a lot.
Our communication at home is simple. We don’t argue a lot and get along pretty well. Sometimes I believe we don’t talk things trough because we don’t like even the slightest tension between us. We are missing out on being right and peace follows. A good bargain, I believe.
But since he is in this remote village, researching, he cannot deflect our conversations by pinching me, tickling me, stroking my hair or simply kissing me.
We had to face our fears, righteously.
“Hey pumpkin how was your day?”
“Hey love, it was boring and monotonous. Except that Kitty delivered four kittens.”
“Oh, wow. I thought it will be only two.”
“Yes haha I thought the same as well.”
“I miss you a lot, I sketched your face on one of my papers. I have to print a new one because it was important.”
“Hahaha don’t throw it away, I want to see it'”
“Of course not it took me an hour only to get your nose right!”
I mute for a moment.
“So I have an ugly nose?”
“Your nose is not ugly, it is a bit bigger..”
“So you think I have a big ugly nose you cannot sketch easily?”
“What?! No Melissa it is not like that at all, I love every part of you the way you are..”
“It didn’t sound like it”
“By the way are we going to give a kitten to Carly?”
“She told me she likes cats and that she wished to have a kitten.”
“When did you guys talk? She is my friend as far as I remember.”
“She messaged me yesterday.”
I mute again.
“I knew you wouldn’t like it but her and I talk regularly, we are friends so to say. It is nothing pumpkin I swear we just talk and send each other links of funny cat videos.. Still there?”
“You never talked about her nor did she ever mention you. What is going on?”
“I think I gotta go, my boss called for a meeting, will you be OK?
“Do I have a reason not to be?”
“Of course not.. I am hanging up.. Bye”
It is not just funny videos. They sleep together. He is been cheating on me with her for a month now. I knew immediately because he is such a bad liar and his phone passwords are ridiculous. I love him and I want him to admit it before I leave. I want to hear a bit of dignity in his voice and responsibility in his attitude. I deserve it.
He called the next evening.
“I know you have been sleeping with Carly.”
I don’t even hear him breathing anymore.
“Melissa I am a terrible person.”
He starts sobbing so ridiculously that I could imagine saliva and boogers receding down his now wrinkled face.
We talked for and hour. He told me that she came up to him first, needing his words of comfort. Than his shoulder. Than his genitalia.
She would show up on midday coffees very provocatively dressed, with red lipstick. She knows about his red lips fetish, I told her about it.
She would be needy and sexy. She seduced him.
He was ranting all about it with his unmanly high-pitched weeping voice.
I remained calm and just encouraged him to keep talking.
When he finished I asked him did he had a choice to back away, tell her about his wife (me) or just stop it because he obviously read her signs.
He muted for a second and apologized.
He had to go kilometers away. He had to call me on the phone and admit all of it while he is far away from me.
I never knew he liked to draw. I never knew he thought my nose is a bit bigger.
I left his apartment and bought an old mobile phone.
I dragged my stuff to the buss station while tears slide down my cheeks.
“Sorry miss, do you need help?”
“Yes, I answered sobbing, how far do I have to go to lose all I had and build something new and get honesty and love because that is what I offer?”
“Well miss, said the boy confused, not far away because home is not a place. At least that is what mom always says.”
The first bus that arrived took me to a small city named Travnik.
There I found myself.