I travel trough a street known so well.
And think of the darkness I’m caring around,
You see, silence is not a FUCKING SOUND.
It’s shelter and serenity, a step to divinity
The street lights pierce new holes inside,
luring the Inward to come out.
“Come”, says the light caressing my cheek,
lingering around my neck as a noose around the sinner.
I am not willing to contemplate
I am not willing to plead.
The gloominess and dimmed rooms,
I linger in
are hallow I swear.
Not a single color for daylight to share.
Illuminate the dust, dust is what it will be.
There is no candle I have not tried to light,
but what I’ve thought to be a view
is a fucking deceiving sight.
Let me sleep while walls hum my lullaby,
I find peace only in my own rhyme.
Let me walk.
Do not talk.
I travel trough a street known so well.
A sip of water in my dry mouth
And a caress of wind against my cheek bone
I’m here to stand still
With a face of love
And a paralyzed body
To shoo away crows
Oh Heaven how I tremble from them.
I am as well air.
Pretty is my desire
And vanity I’m streaming in.
All my existence.
Love in words is like vitamins on a declaration. Satisfying and deceiving but on the long term very very ugly. We would take in everything to be happy instead of throwing out everything that pulls us down. Still the idea of love and its divinity is too thrilling and tempting to doubt its existence. So we believe that the other ones dream as big as we do. We fools.
I sit calmly on the bus seat I always take and get enormously angry when it has been already taken. Sometimes I wonder if the person knows how much I resent his heist. And him as well. I cannot recall the view through that window for I barely looked through it. But my eyes were fixed somewhere between million worlds framed inside this dirty bus window.
-Are you Sabina?
-Yes?! The fuck?!!!
-Do not swear you are a well behaving girl.
-I swear when I am scared.
-You are afraid of your own mind?
-Did it give birth to you?
-Yes. I do not have shape yet, nor a name but I am indeed, yours.
-What causes this?
-What kills it?
-When will it stop?
-When you begin.
-This bus is too yellow. It bothers my senses. My grasp on the phone is too strong my fingers ache. I wish for a man to immediately enter and cast a seductive look while shouting my name, so I can look the other way feeling untouchable. I need him to hug me and plant safety in my rotted heart water it and fight for me the devils I hold for angels are not a company for me. Be my angel my man stiff and stubborn in the battle between me and you. Take the sword out of the rock of fear and defeat my arrogance. Just as that moment touches the hands of time I will fall in claws of love which kills. Devours. Bleed into me I will bleed into you.But I need you to appear now!
-You ask the impossible.
-So I do. And it is my desire whether you like it or not.
The driver starts the engine we are taking off. Without my man.
Thank you for being there. I must now narrow my eyes to focus on this world. People expect it. People are afraid of dreamers for we never wake up or fall asleep.
slow down my love
for those who cannot speak
lift the heavy from bottoms
my soul will probably disappear
say no word of harm
of flaming restlessness
the beating heart of mine
will mute under my chest
slow down for sense and reason
search a corner more
for to say a word of comfort
first ease my throat of sore
slow down my love for better
for light in tender breeze
sing the song of settle
might there you’ll find my peace
I look at wings of a butterfly
How free its wings swing
Yet the flight will not last
Its beauty is its doom
I look at the sky so broad and magnificent
At clouds as cotton candy
But hearing I do is a storm near
It has to be a doom
I look at water so clear in a bay
It is indeed a mirror
But whirling around an eye of soft skin
It will surely come out as doom
A well I see so slender above
And bees all about
They hum evenly a song of labor
But soon the sound will shout
I see a gay face in labor giving birth
To a smile between the nose
And chin shoved in chest
Oh my so neigh what happens here
Is the song of love and life
I look I see but don’t dare to feel
Cause feel is steel as knife.
Come to numb a being
Take my hand my dear
As long as stand is ours
Our fear will surely disappear.
I salute you feeling
Leave my being
So I can see you whole
Sprinkles of fire and I fear to say
Love to come
Are somewhere higher than this song
It means it does
That love for once is not an elegy
But as soon I have sung and my lyrics are done
I’ll see the wild ceremony
A young maiden in blood
A charming man in rust
And as I see I feel
The past as dust
I sense the relief and joy
Come to me vision
Delude me once again
I crave I beg for more
But once I blink
All I see is ink
Smudged on table and door
You can lead in singing about glory
Drown in beauty to live
But if your way is to hurry
You’ll meet all on path but bliss
My love is a dead butterfly
I pray for it to revive
But the more I sink with this ancre
I can’t believe you’re my savior
It’s not that I would not be glad
If you embraced this dead
But the waste of hands
Is not some time you
Would like to spend.
Sun rays are beaming to my eyes. I see nothing. Still afraid of cold I keep my warm clothes on. My legs are hanging over the plastic garden chair arm. I hear insects making noises and lizards swiftly crawling through long grass hair. I miss rain. I miss it so much. I can hear the sound of it. I can hear the earth embracing the fallen drops. I sense the pressure on my roof and the serenity in my bed while I do nothing but lay still. Petrified. Still when it rains I wish for sun. How hypocritical of me.
My cat comes to salute me with cares. She salutes the sun as well. Ignore it as I do please.
The sun becomes more intense. Through the thick fabric of my pants I feel unbearable heat. Is it my punishment for wanting rain?
I don’t know.
That day is over. Rain came. I know I heard it. But now I listen to music seeking ease and ignoring the melody of divinity.
Pity. I forgot how rain works.
It’s not the taste. Its not the smell. It’s the power you gain and lose with every bit of it. It’s an ill habit which we get rid of and then grab back again like a recidivism of joy that kills. We will die anyway. We say.
But smoking is much more than unpleasant smell. Way more.
You pull it out from the box. No matter how you do it you will look confident and supreme.
You put it in your mouth. Squeeze it with your soft lips with a light struggle where your voice trembles a little bit and you feel like everybody is looking at you and the intimacy you’re having with this white wand.
We have a bond now. I own you. Then I bite it. Roughly.
I set you on fire.
The cigarette burns.
We devour each other.
Every breath it spoils eases my senses.
Its dying in my mouth while it makes deadly love to me.
It will die soon.
My gaze narrows while my cigarette trembles between my fingers
Just one more kiss.
I killed you.
But it’s not over.
You will send revenge.
And I will fight and win again.
Until I win all the battles and you throw dirt at my coffin as I put your corpse in dirt.
As nature has no pattern
To which it will destroy
So my moon has no sun
To which it will shine
In times like these I ponder
How sweet this life sure is
But then I fall to slumber
Nightmare tenders me a kiss
Rainbows break as steal
Then hit the dry soil
Crashed under coins
The rain becomes oil
Seven armies fall
Seven more rise
But nightmare this is no more
What I see could be right
Then I hold to a memory
I see it far ahead of me
A grin a sin a felony
Clouds bestow a melody
My eyes are shut
I pressure them much
But then I see the wall.
I’m woken by time
Screaming oh my
But the door has been locked.